My little girl has finally rolled from her back to her side and is resting like a little angel! I think I thought those same words when she was a toddler. After her incredibly gruelling day, she finally feels comfortable in a small way. After a restless night, she awoke with stomache cramps and pain in her chest. The doctors were anxious to get going with the chemo, and they were not prepared to take no for an answer. The poor nurse on duty today had her work cut out for her, as she took the tough love approach and finally got Michellie to consent to start the cocktail. Michellie loves taking pills as much as she loves her IV, and when the start of chemo was to swallow 8 pills, we were off to a rough start. Mom had to leave, and Dad stuck it out to get each piece down on a spoon of apple sauce. After a half hour, the mission was accomplished. Then, they brought in the big arsenal. Four different concoctions were mounted onto the IV rack, and the nurse came in with armor on - that was a big hit for Michellie - the tears began to flow. She did not take kindly to the drugs, and soon the nausea was creeping in for a long afternoon. Dad got this chore, while Mom took a back seat. Amongst all of this fun, our nurse coordinating our next four months was trying to get our details to us, and the nutritionist was trying to confirm vitamins we could use, and the social worker was trying to get a chance to get to know Michellie - (not really showing her best side today). Full craziness - we thought we had left that life behind already!?!
What did we learn today? For our daughter, who hated the seams on her socks to rub in her shoes, and who didn't like seams on her pants, and who only liked soft fabrics for her shirts, we realized that she is hypersensitive. Bandaids, port-o-caths, tubes, fabrics, feeling of hot or cold entering her body with the chemo, dry skin, dry throat...all were causing her great distress. As well, Michellie always believed as a little one that if you threw up you would die. As a teenager, she knows this is not true, but it doesn't make the dread any less, and with such an afternoon she could not imagine how she would get through 4 months of this. For now, there are 6 more pills to be swallowed before 10:30 pm, and she is not prepared to wake up - I don't know how we will succeed with this one tonight.
How did Mom and Dad fare? It was a tough day. We were not prepared for how sick she was today, and for all the pain she felt, and in all the different places. We missed breakfast and lunch, and before we knew it we were into the full afternoon of chaos. We realized we have to be a better advocate for her, as she finds it hard to ask for more pain killers and she has a tough time describing or putting into words how she feels. And, you can hold the bucket, but really it is soooo hard to just watch your little one in so much pain. We had tears today, and we did have a few smiles. At the end of the day, we know that the worst is behind us for the start of chemo, and we hope that when she wakes in the morning she cannot remember most of today.
Our highlight today was a little tree that was given to us and that we could decorate - it now is beside Michellie and sparkling. And, we discovered an amazing hamburger joint - Darryl's. They had Peanut Butter Burgers and Salza Burgers, and old fashioned Milk Shakes. It was different than Pete's in Calgary, but we sure enjoyed a few moments of peace at 9 tonight, when we could catch up together and take a moment to enjoy the morsels.
Tonight David gets the flippy chair, and I get the little day bed. We hope Michellie can sleep through the night and that we see a familiar smile on her face in the morning. Good night everyone.
